Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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