Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
