I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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