She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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