I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
