Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
