We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
