I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
