He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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