Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
