Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
