honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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