this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
