He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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