I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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