just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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