one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
