i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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