tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
