ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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