you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
