he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
