I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
