His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
