Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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