but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
wanna go halves on a baby?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
