did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
