I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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