It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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