maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
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New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
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I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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