the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
