Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize