how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
