Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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