if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
