I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
