My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
