lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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