I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
