Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
