I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
