And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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