i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
