I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
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Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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