I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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