Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
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He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
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If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.