Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
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These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.