I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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