he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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