I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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