barbara walters just said penis...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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