Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
