We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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