I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
