It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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