So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
As shirtless as possible
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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