He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
