There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Pants are for mortals
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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