How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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