At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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