he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
