shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
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No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
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Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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